Building A Discipline

Sunday, October 7, 2018

 

I’ve spent a lot of my life giving excuses for why I can’t do something.

 

This isn’t unique or special; I think most of us struggle with managing to do every one of our assigned tasks and keeping our priorities in order. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met an individual who or one time or another didn’t make some kind of excuse for why they couldn’t commit to something they said they would do. I do try to be forgiving when this occurs because I am someone who does this more often than I usually care to admit. But today, I’ll admit it.

I can be a total flake.

 

I can make lame excuses and tell white lies and pretend like my priorities were with something “more pressing” than the task at hand. The biggest victim of this practice could be my teachers or my bosses or my husband but truthfully, the biggest victim of this behavior is actually myself.

 

That may sound self-pitying but hear me out. 

 

If I’m making excuses than I’m lowering my reputation and I’m telling myself that “I can’t because ____, ____, ___” Regardless of how true or not the excuse may be, I am effectively telling myself I’m not capable of something I promised to do because of a limitation I put on myself, therefore, I’m limiting my ability to accomplish a goal, (even if subconsciously).

 

For example, if I tell my coworkers that I didn’t finish an assignment because I wasn’t able to get up early enough to work on it before a meeting, and then I tell myself it was because I needed the 10 hours of sleep because I am incapable of getting up at an early hour, I have now effectively placed a limitation on myself because I believe that I CAN’T wake up early.

 

One of the many excuses I’ve told everyone, (and myself,) through the years is that I am unable to maintain a regular schedule every day. This lie manifested in:

 

“I can’t bear a regular schedule, I’m an artist!”

“If I have more than one day with the same schedule I start to feel trapped!”

“I’m too much of a space cadet”

“I don’t lead a regular life, how can I have a regular schedule”

 

Etc. Etc…

 

Some people would nod and agree and maybe even relate to my attitude. Others would sigh and shake their head. Some would ask if I tried writing my tasks down. Did they even know me? I’m the queen of to-do lists!

 

But the truth is, all of my reasons against keeping a regular schedule were absolute

 

BULL SHIT.

 

Yeah I said it. Bullshit. Those excuses hold no water.

 

The problem was, I honestly believed them. I told them from my heart and wished people would understand where I was coming from and tolerate my hectic schedule and irregular lifestyle. I truly thought that there was no way my brain could chemically handle the “9-5” lifestyle and therefore I would forever be a chaotic mess every day. 

 

This year, something snapped. I woke up. One day I decided that everything I told myself up to this point had gotten me to this position I was in, which was unhappy, bored, and unfulfilled. 

 

ENOUGH, I thought.

 

Everyone around me wasn’t the problem. I’m the problem. Something’s gotta change.

 

I started taking a look at my words and my excuses. I realized that every time I said “I can’t get up early,” or “I need coffee 24/7,” or “I can’t have a regular schedule,” was another hammer on the nail in my jail cell. I’d been telling myself for years why I wasn’t able to maintain a lifestyle that has been PROVEN to be successful. What the heck was my issue?!

 

First thing’s first: redefine my fear and make it a challenge. I began telling myself: “it’s not monotony, it’s discipline”. I liked the sound of that. Instrumentalists and dancers and artists need discipline. CEO’s and entrepreneurs need discipline. I NEEDED discipline. I had gotten too sloppy and it was costing me precious time.

 

I can’t say when this happened, other than it must have been after my last blog post. I realize the irony of saying “I’m building discipline” when I have NEVER managed to keep this blog on a regular, disciplined schedule, (let alone my YouTube Channel uploads!)

 

I’m taking steps and I’m treating every day like new for right now. I’m focused on waking up early I’m taking better care of my skin and teeth and hair. I’m building a YouTube schedule that I feel I can actually manage. I’m not eating sugar and dairy and have already lost 12 pounds, (more on that soon). 

 

I won’t promise better results because I’m tired of making promises. I’m just going to say that this is something I’m thinking about and that I’m working on. Maybe this will work. Maybe this will lead to something new and different. Maybe I’ll get happier. 

 

Either way, thank you for joining me in this moment on this journey.

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