"I Deserve To Be Happy"

Sunday, March 12, 2017

 

This morning, I’m driving to a gig and my music comes on and I couldn't be happier. The sun is shining, I’m making money doing music, and my husband and I just invested in the comfiest new mattress. Life couldn’t be better!

 

How things have changed in just the last few weeks…

 

Just months ago I was working a job that was making me depressed and unmotivated, I was broke, and wishing I could be doing what I loved with the energy that I used to have in abundance. Everything changed when I decided to drop it all and leave it behind. 

 

Now I’m hungry for opportunity. Yes! Let’s make this cover! Let’s collaborate on this idea! Let’s audition to play and sing! The answer has been “yes” to that which makes me more positive and stronger, and a solid “no” to what I don’t want in my life: negativity and distraction.

 

I have gained total and complete control of my life now.

 

“I am the creator of my destiny. I deserve to be happy.”

 

Those words are the extremely important finale to my daily personal mantra and they have completely transformed my life. 

 

Just last week I posted a video reading my old diary entries from my junior year in high school. It was shocking! What a sad, little person I was! Timid, angry, and longing for a fuller, more exciting life on the sidelines. But that determination was always there, and it shows up in my passion for orchestra and movie history at that young age. Thankfully, my obsessive and passionate personality has since developed into propelling me toward a happier tomorrow. I’m tired of giving up control to others. I am the creator of my destiny.

 

Now this does not come easily. Happiness must be worked for tirelessly and endlessly. It takes working and reworking and planning and rearranging to make everything alright in the end. It takes a lot of personal growth and self-reflection and time to grow. The challenges I have overcome in recent years are responsible for getting me to where I am now, and I would not be strong enough to face my road ahead without those experiences. 

 

Sometimes, happiness manifests itself in many different ways and you have to choose between scenarios. I recently had to make the decision to pull out of auditioning for my favorite stage roll in favor of joining the pit orchestra for the chance to really play through and study my favorite stage music. This decision was not easy and took some convincing, but coming out of it I feel like a weight has been lifted and the opportunity to learn and grow has come from it. 

 

Making these choices and deciding to focus on the path ahead and fight for happiness has been the most fulfilling path I have taken in my life. I’m even sleeping better! I’m excited for the future again! So many opportunities and so much potential for me!

 

Expel the negativity and the pessimism and the distraction from your life.

 

You deserve to be happy. Really, you do! But just because you deserve it doesn’t mean it will be handed to you. Like anything important in this life, you must fight for it and work for it. It will make the reward so much sweeter!

 

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