So occasionally I enjoy having a tarot session with my best friend's mom, Marnie, and her friend, Justin. Say what you will about Tarot and Horoscopes, trust me, I've heard and read it all. Then why do I choose to do it? Because I think the reflection that follows is extremely valuable. Whether or not Marnie and Justin are truly pulling from a sacred, flowing universe or if they are just psycho-analyzing me in the moment, it can be very powerful to open yourself up to this kind of spiritual reflection, and I believe in that.
I don't really want to get into the details of what the tarot said, but it was certainly enlightening. The masculine and feminine energies that surround me as well as my underlying issues were clear. Everything made perfect sense yet was completely new to me in terms of perspective. My final response to the reading was saying that I needed to spend some time reflecting and to ask myself what I "really" want in life.
To this, Marnie suggested that I take a different approach. She told me that sometimes it's hard to nail down exactly what I feel I want in life and that trying to coax it out of myself bit by bit may be more successful. "Ask your inner child what it wants every day, and soon you'll start actually living the life you want".
Having just watched a bunch of old, family videos, I feel pretty connected with my inner child right now. The memories are fresh in my mind of how I used to sing and dance and have fancy picnics with my dad and make movies with my sister. When Marnie told me to do this, my immediate thought was how my "inner child" would tell me to dance more, to sing more, to listen to happy music and enjoy life and food and make things just because.
This stuck with me through today, and now I find myself in my favorite coffee shop in Capitol Hill actually writing in my diary! (This never happens!) I just wrote and wrote about how I felt about each card and what my reactions were and how I am processing everything going on in my life and in my future. I wrote down things that made me happy and things I wanted to do and be throughout life. In the end, I think I've come up with a pretty strong conclusion with where I'm going, and more importantly, why.
You all may not notice any changes but a big change has occurred within me (I think). I'm really interested to see how this affects my life going forward from today.
As for now, this morning I did what Marnie had suggested: I asked my inner child what it wanted. It told me to make this time for myself to reflect, to listen to Irish folk music, to dream of writing novels, to sing, to cry, to exercise, to open up, to eat what I wanted free from guilt, and to give myself a little more time. Is that asking too much? I don't think so, at least not for today. I may be the epitome of an over-planner, but I've learned to be flexible when necessary.
I wanted to share this because I think that it's very meaningful. Do you struggle with finding time to be with yourself? Do you afford yourself that kind of time? What does your inner-child ask for? Marnie said it beautifully when she stated: "My six year-old self knew a lot more about what I wanted out of life than I do now," and I have to agree. Taking time to look at the big picture and simplify your desires makes the whole world a little bit more manageable, and more importantly, it makes us happier. We deserve to be happy!